Blessed Are the Straight Talkers. . . Like My Neighbour
I’ve lived in the same street for thirteen years now. One of the nice outcomes of this is that, whenever I leave the house, there’s always someone to say hello to. There’s Lisa who runs the hairdressers, James who runs the launderette, and then. . . there’s Dave. Bearing a striking resemblance to Homer Simpson (a comparison he himself makes), Dave has taken it upon himself to be the neighbourhood entertainer. He puts signs on the street saying, “Honk if you’re happy!” He once put a manikin on the footpath holding a mirror with a sign that said, “You look lovely today!” Most afternoons Dave brings out his Bluetooth boombox and plays Bruce Springsteen at full volume—a gift many neighbours are yet to appreciate.
Meet Dave
Dave has a big heart, a big laugh, and is always ready with an opinion. So when I saw him a while back, I shouldn’t have been surprised when he looked me up and down and said, “You’ve put on weight!” I stumbled to reply. “I, I guess I have,” I said. Then he added, “As you were walking up, I thought to myself, There’s a man who’s gained some kilos.” You’ve got to love a neighbourhood where people recognise your face and your BMI.
“You’ve put on weight!”
Dave, neighbour
For the record, I don’t think it’s wise to comment on your neighbour’s weight! But there was something refreshing about Dave’s words. Politeness doesn’t serve us well when there are truths we need to hear, and research shows we’re not always great at telling them. One of the interesting discoveries from our 1100-respondent Friendship Lab Survey was that when a friendship breaks down, the cause is rarely discussed. Whether it’s unhealthy choices, annoying habits, or just the fact the new haircut doesn’t work, we need someone who’ll tell us the truth.
Truth with Love
The apostle Paul has some helpful advice on how to do this, telling us to “Speak the truth in love.” Speaking the truth requires getting brave and saying what needs to be said instead of hiding behind politeness or false flattery. The in love bit includes picking the right time and delivering the truth kindly, with the other person’s best interests at heart. This also says to me that when I’m on the receiving end, I should hear the truth in love too—listening humbly, rather than getting defensive.
Walking away from Dave, I checked my reflection in the window and had to admit he was right. I’d let the exercise slip. I’d lost track of my calories. I’d feel better losing a few kilos. The diet started the following Monday. And the next time Springsteen blasts across the street, well. . . it might just be my turn to speak the truth in love.
Artwork: Exchange of Ideas by Heitti Polli (1980) (Europeana, creative commons)
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First broadcast on BBC Radio 2’s Scott Mills Breakfast Show
